i moved!

I've now officially moved the blog over to wordpress. I'm working on getting blogger to redirect straight to the new site, but for now, please bookmark the new address:

icarryyourhart.wordpress.com

Thanks to all my lovely readers!

Xo,
Jess

a weekend with claire

Have I mentioned that I really like my sister? I do. She's pretty great. She's fourteen and fun and smart and sassy and really talented. Anyway, I haven't blogged in a long time because my camera was in the shop, we had another Louis health scare (don't worry, he's OK!), winter quarter is literally insane, and we were busy all last weekend adventuring with Miss Claire while my parents were in Waco. Yep. Waco, Texas. Here are some of my favorites.

(31 flavors.
Lou makes sure he gets packed.
Kenmore lanes. I bowled a 32.
But the shoes are sort of cute.
I am, however, a marvelous mini-golfer.
True love.
Peanut butter milkshake at Elliott Bay Brewery.
Mister Grumpy.
The beginnings of a delicious chicken sausage, spinach pesto pasta dinner.
Coffee at Javasti and a perfect morning).

I have lots of exciting things planned for the blog over the next month or so... and now that my camera's back I feel un. freaking. stoppable. Happy Monday!

Xo,
Jess

inauguration day

Today felt like a big day - watching Barack Obama sworn in for a second term and honoring Martin Luther King, Jr. by volunteering with my family was incredibly special and moving. Big stuff. Monumental stuff. But I want to talk about something else for a second.

Let's talk about love.

Inauguration day is really January 20th. Barack Obama was actually sworn in yesterday - he legally must be, but since it was a Sunday this year, they moved the public celebration to the next day. And yesterday, J and I celebrated four years since our first magical date.

Thinking back about how many things could have kept us apart, I'm sort of blown away. J would interrupt me here and say that isn't possible, and he's right, but the sheer serendipity of our love story gives me the shivers. I moved back from L.A., a less than perfect version of myself. I dated, I went out too much, I got a seasonal restaurant job that didn't last much more than a month. My dad kept nagging me to apply at JaK's. I almost didn't. Finally, I went in and dropped off a resume. The manager offered me a hosting job, but lied to me that there would be night serving shifts for me within a month. I took the job.

My first night there, we were all drinking wine together after the shift. And I sat next to J, and who knows what he asked me - but before I knew it, I'd totally spilled the beans. I'd told him everything about myself: how tough it had been to have everything fall apart in California, all the mistakes I was making, what I wanted in life, I mean everything. Super personal. And then I looked at him, and thought, holy crap. And I told him I had to go, and I left.

And that would have been the point where a lot of guys would have though, that was weird. But J, in his lovely, twisted mind, thought that I was special, and decided he wanted me. And then he asked me out. Sometimes blatantly, sometimes subtly, and I always kind of blew him off. For months. He did all these sweet little things, like bring cocoa to the host desk, or pick me up and drive me in to work when it was snowing, or invite me over for a pain au chocolat he bought at Besalu. And I just kept pushing him out, because I really liked him, and that felt too big and too scary to risk.

At this point, it was January, and Inauguration Day was coming up. And J asked me to a ball.

Seriously? A ball?

Anyone who's known me for any extended period of time knows that one of my top three dreams is to be a princess. So a ball seemed nearly impossible to turn down.

And then my ex got very sick. And I felt overwhelmed by guilt. That I had left, that he wasn't well, that I felt... happy. It seemed like I had to say no.

But I went to dinner with someone very dear to me, someone with real soulmate experience. And she took one look at me and said, "I think you're already in love with this guy. You have to go."

Of course, I denied it. And of course, she was right. So when she told me that all she wanted for her birthday was for me to go on this one date, I knew I had to give it a shot.

Just think. If I hadn't moved back, if my dad hadn't nagged me, if the manager hadn't lied to me about the position, if I'd left right after work that night, if I knew how to drive in the snow, if Obama hadn't won, if I hadn't gone to that birthday dinner, if I hadn't realized it was OK for me to fall in love...

January 20th, 2009, I put on a pretty black dress and drove out to Ballard. We went to Sunset, and had some drinks. And when we were ready to go, he walked to the coat closet with me, then pushed me in and kissed me. It was perfect and magical and I totally swooned. And there was never a moment after that where we didn't know.

So today I'm not just celebrating Obama's re-election, I'm celebrating the million victories of J and I. I'm celebrating the adventures and road trips and gluttony and ups and downs and whirlwind of beauty and love that I get to be part of every day of my life. He is without a doubt the best vote I've ever cast.

Xo,
Jess

wild and crazy kids

The other night we had a little birthday party for Miss Carissa. I whipped up some brussels, a lovely baked pasta dish from the new Smitten Kitchen cookbook (I even added pancetta for J), and a pretty little torta. It was pretty great to spend such a fun evening eating and drinking too much and celebrating C. Happy birthday, my dear. We're lucky to have such wonderful friends, and I hope this is the best year yet for you.

Xo,
Jess

torta all gianduia

We had a little shindig last night for our friend Carissa's birthday. She was born on New Year's Eve, so she never gets quite the celebration she deserves. Anyway, we went all out, and had the most delicious baked pasta dish I got out of the new Smitten Kitchen cookbook, way too much wine, and this lovely torta. I'll post more pictures of the evening someday when this headache wears off, but for now, one of my favorite recipes of all time.

This Torta Alla Gianduia recipe comes out of Nigella Lawson's cookbook, How to Be a Domestic Goddess. It's the perfect title, as she speaks from experience. She's pretty and witty and makes delicious food and when I grow up I'd like to be just like her. I fudge this recipe a little each time - sometimes I use coffee, sometimes I use water. Usually I mix half unsweetened chocolate and half semi-sweet, this time I actually used bittersweet. I have to say I like the combination better - it's a little darker and richer. But the point is, this is a pretty foolproof recipe, as long as you pay attention to a couple key things and have the patience to put it together correctly.

A note on hazelnuts: when you grind them for use in this recipe, I don't really think it's necessary to have the skins removed. But as the garnish on top, you really do want to make sure they're peeled. Sometimes you can find them that way at the grocery store, but if not, just heat your oven to 350, cook them for about 15 minutes, and then rub them in between a slightly damp kitchen towel until most (or all) of the skin is gone. You'll probably still want to toast them in a frying pan after this, to give them that nice golden color and darkened bits.

Ta-da! Look, ma! No skins!

On a side note, Lou got totally wasted last night:

Alright. Let's get down to business. I'm copying the recipe word-for-word from Nigella, and I'll add my own comments in blue.

Ingredients
For the cake:
6 large eggs, separated
pinch of salt
1/2 c. soft unsalted butter
14 oz. Nutella (The container I buy is usually 13 oz. and works just fine).  
1 tbsp. Frangelico, rum, or water
scant 1/2 c. ground hazelnuts
4 oz. bittersweet chocolate, melted
9-inch springform pan, greased and lined with parchment or wax paper

For the icing:
4 oz. hazelnuts (peeled weight)
1/2 c. heavy cream
1 tbsp Frangelico, rum, or water
4 oz. bittersweet chocolate

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large bowl, whisk the egg whites and salt until stiff but not dry. In a separate bowl, beat the butter and chocolate hazelnut spread together, and then add the Frangelico (or whatever you're using), egg yolks, and ground hazelnuts. Fold in the cooled, melted chocolate, then lighten the mixture with a large dollop of egg white, which you can beat in as roughly as you want, before gently folding the rest of them in a third at a time (This part is really important - do be careful when folding them in so the batter doesn't deflate. I used to think "folding" was overhyped and probably didn't make much of a difference, and then Rose Levy Beranbaum showed me the light). Pour into the prepared pan and cook for 40 minutes or until the cake's beginning to come away at the sides, then let cool on a rack.

    Toast the hazelnuts in a dry frying pan until the aroma wafts upward and the nuts are golden brown in parts: keep shaking the pan so that they don't burn on one side and stay too pallid on others. Transfer to a plate and let cool. This is imperative: if they go on the ganache while hot, it'll turn oily. (Believe me, I speak from experience). (Is Nigella Lawson trying to tell us she's done something wrong while baking?! I refuse to believe it).

In a heavy-bottomed saucepan, add the cream, liqueur or water, and chopped chocolate, and heat gently. Once the chocolate's melted, take the pan off the heat and whisk until it reaches the right consistency to ice the top of the cake. (I actually usually whisk it for a couple minutes, but not long enough that it becomes "icing." I like being able to pour it onto the torta and spread it out, then have it harden in one shiny layer. But it's totally up to you). 

Unmold the cooled cake carefully, leaving it on the base as it will be too difficult to get such a damp cake off in once piece. Ice the top with the chocolate icing, and dot thickly with the whole, toasted hazelnuts. If you have used Frangelico, put shot glasses on the table and serve it with the cake. (We chose, instead, to serve it with six bottles of wine and a rousing board game). Serves 8.

Buon appetito!

Xo,
Jess

some thoughts on a new year (and having a winter break)

Happy New Year!

This holiday always stirs a lot in people: nostalgia, excitement, will-power... so I wanted to share a few thoughts of my own on the beginning of 2013.

I'm really looking forward to this year. J and I are in our second year of marriage and this month will celebrate the four years we've been together as a couple. I looked at him yesterday and realized that not only do I keep loving him more, I also feel like we're stronger than ever before. I'm even more excited now for the years to come than I was on our wedding day. And while we're incredibly fortunate people, it's not just about luck. We've worked really hard. There are really easy, fun days, and there are tough days. I've been through a lot of transitions this past year, and we were always committed to finding the time to talk about those additional stressors and work through them. As a result, we've grown. Our relationship has found new depths that I never experienced with anyone else, and that has made being married to him infinitely more beautiful.

It makes the seemingly endless possibility of 2013 thrilling. I've got more school, we've got more transitions to make as a family, we're talking about babies... and it feels so good to be building our life together. On New Year's Eve we left work, grabbed a bottle of champagne, and watched the fireworks from Reservoir Park (and kissed at midnight, obviously). And we talked about how the last four years have flown by, but it's almost impossible to believe all the adventures we've fit into them. Pretty fantastic.

I didn't make any formal resolutions this year. The last six months have felt like endless resolutions and self-work, and that's good, but this January, I'm all about vague goals. I want to keep working hard on what I have with J - it's such a treasure, and it's incredible to watch it grow. I want to keep working on myself. It's been tough and sometimes painful, but I like the person I am becoming (I like the person I am now, too). I want to start nesting a little more, especially when we move later this year. I want to build with new friends, and keep investing with old ones. I want to love more freely and remember kindness more often. I want to live healthfully. I want to set aside time just for fun. I want to learn to use my sewing machine, and read more for pleasure. I want to travel as much as we can. And I want to grow as an artist.

Those aren't really resolutions, I guess. I think they're more like life-long goals. But I'm OK with that. I feel so thankful for where my life has taken me, and where I know I'm going, and I have a feeling that 2013 is going to be an amazing year.

I've been spending the last couple weeks reconnecting with friends from out of town, eating out late at night with my husband, and taking lots of pictures ("After this picture, can we please go eat?"). One of my best friends, C, just moved to Portland, and I'm so excited for her. I got together with a couple girlfriends I've known since we were in an acting program together during high school. I've had copious amounts of champagne. And my Christmas tree is still up. It's been nice to have some time just to enjoy myself, and spend evenings with all the people who make this life so lovely.

Happy New Year to you and yours - so much love.

Xo,
Jess